


A Letter For You

by Rancid_Rat6186



Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Fluff, Fluff, M/M, Marriage, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-21
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-01-20 14:13:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12434511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rancid_Rat6186/pseuds/Rancid_Rat6186
Summary: The day has finally arrived.Bucky and Steve are getting married.Bucky wanted to write a snarky little note for Steve before the ceremony.This is what came out instead.





	1. For You

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of "Marry Me" by Train. 
> 
> Just a quick little fluff piece that hit me when the song came on.
> 
> Bucky deserves happiness.

**"Forever could never be long enough for me**  
**To feel like I've had long enough with you**  
**Forget the world, now**  
**We won't let them see**  
**But, there's still one thing left to do**  
**Love has surely shifted my way"**

 

You were right, Stevie. I should have broken these shoes in. They're pinching my toes together. The soles of them are sliding all over this carpet, too. I hope I don't slip when we have our first dance. I know you'll probably step on my toes, but you know I never cared when you did. Remember when I first taught you to dance? We were squished together on the fire escape outside your bedroom window. It was the middle of the night in August. It was the only time you could really be outside without the air hurting your lungs that summer.

The moon was up high in the sky. I'm sure we probably could have seen every star there ever was then. I swear, we couldn't have been more than 11 and 12.

You were beautiful.

You always were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. But, that night, your bare toes stepping all over mine, and me trying to quiet my laughing at you so the neighbors wouldn't hear us, so your ma wouldn't hear us.

I think I knew I loved you, then.

I can't believe today is the day I get to dance with you, like this. With everyone we have come to love in this decade all around us. I know you wanted this big wedding. And you know I wanted to just run away. I think I love you even more that you met me more than halfway and let us get married at Clint's farmhouse, in the backyard.

I know you're waiting inside the barn, finishing up getting yourself ready. They stuck me in the living room. By myself. Can you believe that? They all trusted me not to break anything. You always trusted me not to break everything. Even though I pretty much always break everything. You believed in me. You've always believed in me. I don't know what I ever did to deserve you.

I can see everybody showing up. Sitting in those white folding chairs. You made everything amazing, Stevie. I would marry you in a back alleyway somewhere beside a dumpster, as long as I was marrying you. But, this, this is amazing. Only your mind could create this for us.

 

**"Marry me**  
**Today and every day**  
**Marry me**  
**If I ever get the nerve**  
**To say hello in this cafe**  
**Say you will"**

 

It had been two years that I had run away. Two long years of me trying to find my way back into this world, back from where they broke me and left me to rot at. But, no matter what I did, I was lost. I saw you, you know. I never told you this. But, when you were looking for me...I saw you.

You never saw me. But, like everything else in my life, I could always be guided back to you. I caught you outside of the diner in Bucharest. I saw you in an alleyway in Russia. I even saw you from down a side street in Syria. I was always there, always watching you, always seeing you, Stevie. For all these lifetimes, I've only ever saw you.

And, then, you found me, again. I thought I was saving you, always saving you, by thinking you were better off without me. I knew I would never know how to breathe without you by my side, but I thought it was easier than knowing I could hurt you. But, you never needed me to save you. Never. Not even all those years ago. It was always you. Always you.

You saved me.

I was alone for so long, trying to find the breaths I needed. You had always been my air. And you rushed into my lungs like the best hurricane you always were. And you brought me home. Home. To our home.

Our home.

And, that morning, last year, was when I knew I couldn't wait anymore. It took my breath away, Stevie. There you were, finally in my reach, underneath my fingertips. My light. Always my light. You had pulled me out of my darkness and you led me back to you. And I just couldn't wait any longer.

You had the sheet bundled around your head. The sun was just as upset about being awake so early as you were. But, I would paint that moment over and over and over again on one of your canvases. The light was behind you. It lit you up in the ways you deserved. It made you look like an angel. Surrounded by warmth and light. And, I knew.

_"Stevie, will you marry me?"_

And your eyes, they opened so slowly. They wrinkled at the corners. And your smile. Oh god, your smile. It can bring me to my knees. Did ya know that? You can just smile and the entire world can slip away beneath my feet, and I'll still feel so steady.

_"Yeah, Buck. I'll marry you."_

That moment, forever, under my unsteady hands and scratchy lines, I'd paint that moment every time. My truest star, my surest angel, guiding me and keeping me safe all the way home.

You are my home.

I am finally home.

 

**"Together could never be  
Close enough for me  
To feel like I am close enough to you  
You wear white  
I'll wear out the words I love you  
And you're beautiful"**

 

It seemed only fitting to put you in white and me in black. You were always pure. I was always meant to be tarnished, scuffed and dirtied. Even before the war, even before everything that had happened to us. I knew. I knew you would be the truth and I would be the lie. I knew it. I've always known it. But, you are my truth and that is one thing I could never lie about. You are my hope, my sun, my sky. You are my reason. And, for as long as this damn serum will make us live for, I will show you that. I will show you I am no longer afraid to step out of my shadows. I am no longer afraid to leave that part of me behind and walk with you into our weird little future.

I could scream ' _I love you_ ' until I was blue in the face. I could scream it in the faces of every single person we walked by. But, I don't care if they all know. I don't. I only care that you know. Each and every day. And, I will. I will scream it until my lungs give out. I'll scream it until there's no more breaths left in me. I'll scream it until the day I die, letting it be my last words. Just, so you know, that I love you, and I always have. And, even death cannot change that.

Death tried. It tried so damn hard to keep us apart. I'm sorry. I know you don't like when I make jokes about that. But, Stevie? I could never joke about the pull you have on me. The universe tried to keep us apart. But, we never really listened to what anyone else ever said, anyways. Death tried. It stuck its claws into our skin, and we still crawled our way back to one another. I'll always come back to you. I always will.

They even tried to erase you from me.

They should have known.

You can't erase something that so easily makes up your soul. You are a part of me, so intertwined down through to my DNA. No machine could erase that from me, from my bones, from my heart.

 

**"Promise me  
You'll always be  
Happy by my side  
I promise to  
Sing to you  
When all the music dies"**

 

Please, Stevie. Please, promise me, you'll always be honest with me. You'll tell me when I'm being an idiot. Tell me when you're sad. Let me hold you when you are, even if it's me that made you that way. Please don't ever pull away from me, close yourself off. I know you. You do that too much. From everyone.

Don't hide yourself away from me.

Let me be the light to guide you home. Let me be the air to fill your lungs. Let me be the warmth to soothe your soul. Let me be all the things you have been for me. Let me be your forever of always.

Always, Stevie. Okay?

Always.

...  
Okay, Tony's giving me a dirty look to finish scribbling this damn letter out. I only meant to write that I thought you probably looked amazing in your suit, and your ass probably looked amazing.

But, I had so many more important things I needed you to know, that I needed you to remember when I have my bad days.

That I have always loved you.

And, your ass does probably look amazing.

Love,  
Always,  
Me.


	2. A Letter For Them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Walking down the aisle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't expecting this to go beyond one chapter...but, well, here we are!
> 
> I just want to thank [Amaria_Anna_D](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Amaria_Anna_D/pseuds/Amaria_Anna_D) for being the beta for this (and explaining to me how the whole beta thing worked, too)!!! Can't ever thank you enough!
> 
> Hope this is just as enjoyable as the first chapter was!

Perfect.

I never liked using that word, unless I was describing you, Stevie. But, today I can make that exception. 

The sky, the sun, the trees, the damn birds yapping away in them...everything. Perfect.

Oh god. I was right about you wearing white. 

When those doors opened...I don't think anyone could convince me how to breathe. And I would be okay if seeing you like that was the last thing my eyes ever took in. They could take everything else away from me as long as I got to see that. You were made to be in love, Stevie. It just does something to you. Did you know that?

It's as though every love song and every poem and every warm emotion that ever came into existence was only ever created with you in mind. You were, and always have been, Love's muse. You know when people talk about the world slowing down, as if all of time has suddenly stopped, colors blur, sounds dull away? I never believed them. Never knew something like that could exist. I should have known, though. I should always have known. The impossible is always possible with you. There is nothing in this world, this universe, this eternity that you can't do, that can't be made beautifully real by you. And, I get to go along with you for the ride. I get to watch the flowers bloom beneath your feet with every step you take, like the ground wants the memory of all the places you've touched. 

Shit, Stevie, I have entire botanical gardens hidden in my veins because of you. 

You are good, so good. And, I am broken, shattered, sloppily slotted back in place, smothered with glue to try and hold myself together. You are good. So damn good. And, I am the dark shadows hiding from your light. 

At least, I was. Until your hand found mine and pulled me out from the darkness. At first, I was too blinded by your sunlight. I thought I deserved only the darkness, the silence. But, your hands in mine, your soul in mine...I found my way back to you. You found my way for me. You lit the path and fought away the darkest creatures I sought comfort in for so long. 

And, now, here you are. Twenty steps away from me. Soft white coat over softer white pants and softest white shirt. You left the top two buttons open. No tie. You know how I feel about ties. Pinned above where your heart beats so vibrantly, so fiercely, is an orchid. You tried to tell me all the meanings, once, about what all the colors and petals all meant. All I remember is understanding that an orchid was how I felt about you. Ageless love. And, something about them not liking the cold, and trying to grow them is, apparently, really damn difficult. Who knew I could relate to a silly flower? 

Pinned above mine? Forget Me Not. You cried when I suggested them. You thought it was the funniest thing I had ever said, or at least that's what you told me in between those actual falling tears. A part of me still believes you're afraid I'll forget you all over again. 

Let me tell you right now. Everything, everything...absolutely everything...in this entire world could rain down on me, pull me apart limb from limb, piece by piece, try and bleed me from the inside out. It can try to reach in and pull out every last thought, every last memory my head could ever be filled with. It can try to steal the air from my lungs, the beat of my heart beneath my ribs, the sight from my eyes, the noise from my ears...it can try and steal everything that makes up myself away from me. They can try it all again and again and again. Lord knows they've tried. But, they've always failed. They would always fail. Always. Because, they would always overlook the one truth. 

You.

It was always you. 

Even when we were younger, the world would always overlook you. Like your entire being wasn't worth the effort. As though you weren't meant for all this greatness that swarmed and boiled underneath your skin. That you weren't the most beautiful thing in the entire existence of life. 

How could I ever forget you?

I know I got lost sometimes, slipping away into that darkness, only because I didn't want anyone to find you. I didn't want them to reach you and hurt you to hurt me. I forgot your name to save you. But, I could never forget you. You. You. 

Always, you. 

Ten steps away from me. So close to me. So within my reach. I can see the blue of your eyes, shining, sparkling, so radiantly beautiful underneath the matching blue of the sky above us. God, we lucked out so much today, Stevie. The sky is so clear, so beautiful. No clouds. Not anywhere. Your sunlight keeping them all away. 

Two steps away. You reach out for my hand. And, for just that tiny moment, I am frozen. Not in fear. Not in doubt. Not in regret. In awe. That, even after all this time, you are still reaching your hand out for me to take, to pull me in, to anchor me down to where I want to be....

Next to you.

Your fingers, never shaking, never retreating, just waiting. Always waiting. For me to reach back and grasp onto you. Have you there as my solid weight, my foundation, my rock, keeping me supported when I trip and fall. And, in all the times of our lives before, when my hands had caused you harm, or brought you doubt, my fingers now, will never tremble as they reach out for yours. 

One step away. Hands grasping, fingers intertwining. I pull you in to me, needing your breath to breathe my own breaths, needing your gravity to keep my grounded. Your toes touch mine. I can't help but lean my forehead against yours, inhaling everything that is you into me. The rest of the world slips away. I know it's not the time, with all our loved ones before us, but the world has always had a way of doing that when your soul invades my own. 

Flowers, Stevie. God damn fucking gardens in bloom that moment your skin touched mine. Today. 90 years ago. All the years in between. Flowers they don't even have names for, yet. Colors that could never be painted. Beauty that could never be matched. 

I know I've never been one to show my truest emotions, but these tears, they're not of sadness. Please, know that whenever I am holding you, I could never feel sadness. Your light, your warmth snuffs away all the sadness and sorrow in my world. You bring me back to myself without even trying. 

Tony insisted on officiating the ceremony. He did. We didn't really have it in us to argue. I was still just shocked he had forgiven me enough for all the pain I had caused him. Did you know that he hugged me before we walked out here? He pulled me in and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. This man, the human soul, wrapping his arms around me and telling me it's okay. Do you know what he said to me, Stevie?

"I know, now, it wasn't you. This is you. I forgive you. I'm sorry it took me so long. And, I am proud to stand up there with you today. You make him happy. I hope he'll make you just as happy. Because, after everything, you deserve that. You deserve all of this today."

I murdered this man's parents, and he is proud to stand next to me, telling me I deserve all this happiness? All this goodness? All of you?

The way you bring people together, Stevie, is something I hope you never lose. This rambunctious, defective little broken family you've built is so full of love and even more love, that it still sometimes takes my breath away that you've allowed me in and helped me to feel welcome and call them all my own family. After so long of feeling like I was alone in the world, and finding you again, I thought that was all I needed. But, you've given me so much more than just a place to call my home.You've given me a family. And, I hope to God and everybody between, that I never let them down, let Tony down, let you down. 

We decided to have Tony read to us, to everyone, a Blessing of the Hands. I didn't want to, at first. You knew how I felt about my metal hand, the things I had done with it, the things I could do with it. But, you held it in both of your hands and squeezed. 

"This is who you are, Bucky. This is who I love. This is a part of you. And, I will love every single inch of you." 

And, Tony, well, yeah, Tony laughed when I brought him the words we wanted him to say. He laughed and he understood. 

So, here we are, just inches, now, between us, hands holding tightly onto one another's hands, holding tightly onto one another's worlds, holding tightly onto one another, as Tony reads the words we chose. 

"These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and full of love for you, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow, and forever. Because, let's be honest, that serum stuff is gonna make you two outlive the next fifty generations. 

These are the hands that will work alongside yours, as together, you build your future.

These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch, comfort you like no other. Thanks to my ingenious technology in your new, upgraded arm there, Bucko. 

These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief fills your mind.

These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes; tears of sorrow, and tears of joy. Like, right now. C'mon, hold it together for five more minutes, Steve. 

These are the hands that will tenderly hold your children.

These are the hands that will help you to hold your family as one.

These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it. 

And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged, in about 300 more years, will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch."

And, Stevie, it all could have stopped, right there. Even with Tony's ad-libbed parts. You chose so well. Those words said everything I could have ever wanted to say. But, well...we had some important words to say. 

"Steven Grant Rogers, do you take this shaggy haired, metal armed, murder glaring, softest puppy in the world, to be your husband? Make him just as happy as we all know you are, as he deserves to be?"

"I do."

You squeezed my hands so tightly, before sliding the custom vibranium ring over my finger. It was colored darker than my arm was, contrasting so wonderfully against it. I only wished, in that small moment, I could feel the weight of it on my body, to always know it was there. I think that's why I needed it to be a different color. So, I could always catch it out of the corner of my eye, know you were always with me in case I needed the reminder. 

"James Buchanan Barnes, so weird, full naming you like that, but, anyways, do you take this fight the entire world, wrapped up in sunny golden hair and perfect stupid teeth as your husband? Keep him from taking on the entire world and make him just as happy as I know only you can?"

"I do."

You wanted a matching ring, just like mine, dark gray, vibranium. It slid so smoothly over your skin. It sat so perfectly over your finger. 

"Well, I guess that just means one more thing. I now pronounce you hubby and hubby. Go and kiss and stuff. But, no gross stuff. There's kids present. Clint is here." 

We had kissed more times than I'll ever count, and not nearly as many times as we should have. It wasn't like I didn't know what your lips felt like against mine. It wasn't that we needed a title to what our love meant. But, that moment, that kiss, that press of your lips against mine, the way your hands felt underneath mine cradling your head to mine, is a feeling I want to keep with me forever. 

Our first kiss.

And, finally...finally...after so long, after all these decades had passed us by. After all that sadness and fear, sorrow and guilt wrecked us and tore us apart...it's all over now. Because, now, holding you in my hands, in my arms, I get to call you my family, my home. I couldn't help falling in love with you all those years ago. And, I can't help falling more and more in love with you each and every day that passes us by. 

I know that when I hold you, I am truly holding everything I could ever need in this entire world, for the rest of our lives, for however long that may be. 

As long as I have you beside me, I'm okay with finding out. 

It's been one hell of an adventure so far. I couldn't imagine being on this roller coaster with anybody else, but you. Even if you do tend to puke after them. 

Pressing my forehead back to yours, I can't help but breathe you in again. Knowing this is all I'll ever need, all I'll ever want. 

Our wedding day.  
Our first kiss.  
Our family.  
Our home.

Our forever. 

Now, let's eat some cake. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since the first chapter came about from a song...for reference, this chapter had The Piano Guys "Can't Help Falling In Love" on repeat while this was being written.
> 
> You should listen to the song, anyways. It's a great cover.


	3. A Letter To You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A letter from Steve.
> 
> Song choice...  
> Jack Johnson "Angel"
> 
> I hope it is just as floofy as Bucky's.

**"I've got an angel**  
**She doesn't wear any wings**  
**She wears a heart**  
**That can melt my own**  
**She wears a smile**  
**That can make me wanna sing"**

  
You're laughing.

You're eyes are alive and your nose is even doing that crinkle thing it does that I love. Your head is tossed back and I can hear the sound from all the way across the field. I don't know what it is that Sam just said to you, but I would have it on repeat just so I could always hear that sound come from you.

It sparks something inside of me. Something only you had the match to ignite it. It makes me burn with the life I never thought I would find so long ago, the life I never thought I deserved after all this time, after everything I have done. But, there you were. Crashing back into me and lifting me up higher than I ever thought possible. Just like you did so long ago. When I could barely see over the countertops at the candy store down the street from where we used to live. You would wrap your arms around me from behind and lift me up, just so I could see the jars. You were barely inches taller than me, but you always told me that as long as you were by my side, you would lift me up to see the world with you.

You were always lifting me up. You were always holding me steady, bracing against the world by my side. If I am anything of a hero to this world, it is because of you. You showed me how to be a better man, Buck. You made me want to always be a better person, for you. If I am anything like the world says I am, courageous, brave, strong, fearless...it is because of you. None of those could have existed inside of myself if your hands weren't there...holding me...lifting me up. I am this hero the world needed me to be because you saw everything I could be before they did. You lifted me higher into the world when I was barely surviving in the shadows. You pulled me up from the forgotten dusky horizons.

I am who I am because of you.

You crashed into my world, Buck. You crashed and kept crashing until the universe stopped trying to keep you apart from me. I hadn't known I could have been so lost at such a young age, but that day we first met, your smile was the guiding light leading me. It was leading me home, Buck. Even after all these years, it still always leads me home, leads me to you.

  
**"She gives me presents**  
**With her presence alone**  
**She gives me everything** **I could wish for**  
**She gives me kisses on the lips**  
**Just for coming home"**

  
I can't imagine a day without you, Buck. I lived through that once, already. I was so lost without your light to show me the way. I never imagined a world could still turn, a sun could still rise and shine without your soul to inspire, to fuel, to ignite. When the dreams still haunt me, you never try to tell me it's going to be okay. You never tell me to stop remembering. You just hold me. You kiss my forehead and whisper that you'll never leave my side again, that you'll never be out of my reach ever again.

And, it's day after day, after all we have been through, all the sadness and pain we've endured...I get to come home to you. Home. With you. No matter where we ended up, it would always have been home. But, you radiated your warmth to everyone around us, and this...this is where we get to call home.

Surrounded by our friends. Surrounded by our family. Celebrating hope and love. Celebrating happiness.

God, happiness looks amazing on you. It softens all of those harsh lines forced into your skin over the years. It gently traces a finger along the scars. It dusts away those cobwebs and unmasks the life buried deep inside of you.

  
**"She can make angels**  
**I've seen it with my own eyes**  
**You've gotta be careful**  
**When you've got good love**  
**'Cuz an angel's will**  
**Just keep on multiplying"**

  
I can't help but stare at you like this. I didn't even hear a word of whatever it was Tony had been talking about beside me. You're warmth pulls in everyone, no matter who they are. You are the gravitational pull that shifts constellations to move, just so they can feel your warmth. Just like you pulled me in so long ago, and every day afterwards. My soul orbits yours, and there is no galaxy, no universe where my stars can't find yours.

Each and every day, I find myself in awe at the mere presence of you. The way your heart gives and gives and tries until it's ready to beat it's last beat, just to find a way to make the world better. Not for yourself. For everyone else. You would give your own last breath if it meant someone else could take another.

The universe tried to snuff out that light inside of you.

I am forever grateful that it failed. It is the one failure I will always associate with you. It is the only one. Because, it meant your light was stronger than the darkness. It meant your light could never be taken away.

Your light could never be darkened.

  
**"You're so busy changing the world**  
**Just one smile**  
**You can change all of mine**  
**We share the same soul**  
**We share the same soul"**

  
The day I lost you, on that train, was the day I truly understood pain. All those years being sick and barely surviving the winters, they had nothing on that moment. It was that moment when I understood a soul could be ripped from inside another. You were always my half I had been missing. The whole world could see it. There was never a me without you. That day you fell, was the day I felt how severe a soul could rip to pieces.

I will never forgive myself for not jumping after you. I know you tell me to never say those words ever again to you, to never even think something like that. But, knowing the world tried to break you and I couldn't fight for you, it will always break me, Bucky. It will. Because, of all the souls this eternity has ever seen and felt, yours is the one that should never have known that darkness.

But, I guess it just goes along with who you are, Buck. That, no matter the darkness lurking in from around the corners, you could always find your way out. Even when so many hands tried to pry it from deep inside of your bones, you held on. You held on.

And, I know you're tired, sometimes. I know you're rolling your eyes right now as you read this, but...I can see it. I can see the way your shoulders dip under all this weight you think you should be carrying. All of these things you'll never forgive yourself for. All of the memories that will forever haunt your eyes.

I wish I could take them all away. I just wish my hands could reach in and clean away the rusted parts inside of your head. You were made to shine, Bucky. You've always shone. Even under that tarnish, you shine. You illuminate the world with a brightness only you can create. No matter what any tabloids or water logged file folders try to say, you are a brightness the world cannot dim. A brightness it should never dim.

Oh my god, I could listen to you laugh forever.

And, now, I get to.

With an entire field filled with our perfectly dysfunctional family, a gap of decades lost and a beaten collection of some of my favorite memories between us, I could watch you all day...just watch you laugh.

Watch you be free.

Happiness looks good on you, Buck.

And, I will spend the rest of our eternities trying to make you happy. As happy as you've always made me. As happy as you'll always make me.

Oh, and I saw you in the front window earlier, swearing at your shoes. I don't want to say 'I told you so' about breaking them in before today...but, I absolutely told you so.

You are my end of the line, Buck.  
For now, for forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi - rancidrat86.tumblr.com


End file.
